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Films of 2011 [Jan. 30th, 2012|06:02 pm]
[Current Music |Parenthetical Girls - Evelyn McHale | Powered by Last.fm]

Movies I remember watching in 2011, in no particular order:

-True Grit
-The Big Lebowski (didn't finish - will do this year!)
-SLC Punk (again)
-The Social Network
-Black Swan
-The Filth and the Fury
-End of the Century
-Capitalism: A Love Story
-The Naked Gun
-Enter The Void
-Wristcutters: A Love Story
-The Science of Sleep
-Last Tango in Paris
-Y Tu Mama Tambien
-Pulp Fiction
-Bananas (didn't finish)
-Blue Velvet
-Best in Show
-Midnight in Paris
-This is Spinal Tap
-both seasons of Twin Peaks
-all 3 seasons of Arrested Development
-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I
-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II
-Helvetica (didn't finish)
-Food, Inc.
-Akira Kurosawa's Dreams (didn't finish)
-Airplane (was high and remember nothing)
-A Piece of Summer
-Matchmaking Mayor
-Requiem for a Dream
-Taxi Driver
-Where Soldiers Come From
-Cinema Komunisto
-Naked Lunch (didn't finish)
-Mulholland Dr.
-Dear Wendy
-The Pruitt-Igoe Myth
-Bad Boy Bubby
-Lost in Translation
-Ghost World
-A Woman is a Woman (didn't finish)
-Bill Cunningham: New York
-The September Issue
-Lilja 4-ever
-Pierrot Le Fou
-Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
-How to Get Ahead in Advertising

I'm sure I'm missing many, but I want to keep this record going.
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Things are falling into place....I think? [Apr. 1st, 2011|01:08 am]
[Current Music |Sonic Youth - Teen Age Riot | Powered by Last.fm]

Course overloading for the first time, and it's not so bad. Apparently I already have enough credits to graduate -- oops. Not really sure how that happened. Still gonna graduate with my class next year, though. bleh.

I flew to New York two weeks ago and spent 10 amazingly lovely days there, full of food, art, board games, rampant and wild sex, sleeping in, Chinatown, seeing one of my best friends ever. Toss in a few more crosswords and cut a few of my low blood pressure problems, and it could have been perfect.

I had a final interview at the Metropolitan Museum of Art -- and I think it went well. I find out tomorrow. I can hardly believe I got this far; I applied on a whim back in January, several hours before the app was due, with Steve sleeping against me in my bed. Northwestern is so dishearteningly and depressingly pre-professional, and I hate the mad rush for internships/jobs...but I'm finding that it's so much simpler and more straightforward than what it's made out to be. Just chillax and stop trying to sell yourself.

Maybe it's ironic that I'm saying that, because in many ways I feel apprehensive and strange about The Met.... I received an Undergraduate Research Grant several days ago, $3000 to carry out the proposal that I wrote last month. The grant funds living expenses, so that recipients are able to devote full time to research. My background research is to take place in New York, with field work in an anarchist collective in Maine, and back home at another collective in Salt Lake City. The whole experience, if I can successfully execute it, would be so, so incredible. I'll be focusing on collectively produced art within punk, and specifically anarchist punk subculture. The whole process was so thought out (word of advice if you ever consider research/grant proposals on anything punk-related: lit review will be a pain in the ass); I made contacts in all of my sites, went through every vaguely relevant book I could find, and carefully outlined my steps. But I KNOW I won't be able to say no to The Met if they give me the offer -- and I feel like a huge sell out for it. Fun /personal freedom/anarchists VS. practical job. fuck.

Above all else, I want to be able to maintain a studio practice...something that's not very viable with either of my current summer options.

I feel like I'm constantly conflicted with desiring to live on the fringes of society, versus ascending into some high art, cultured bullshit society

A;SDASD just realized that I've spent yet another post rambling about school and career bullshit. Maybe Northwestern HAS taken my soul...
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Fucksaw University [Mar. 5th, 2011|12:52 am]
[Current Music |Best Coast - Honey | Powered by Last.fm]

I love all of the bad press Northwestern has gotten this year. First, the "yelling about blow jobs" and Evanston resident complaints that yielded several warning e-mails from Burgwell Howard. Then, Chet Haze. (OK, let me just take a short detour to express my IMMENSE disappointment that his rumored song, "Hanks for Nothing," a diss on his father Tom, does not actually exist. Aw.) Now, the Human Sexuality sex toy/female ejaculation demo that has some how infiltrated international news as well as the New York Times. Even my poor traditional Asian mother heard about it through a Chinese news source! (Sorry you had to see that, mom.) Of course, I log onto Livejournal, and it's on vaginapagina.

WHAT IS THIS. lollllll.

Srsly, I don't understand the insane amount of attention this is getting. They show graphic videos in Human Sex every year (ie. close up female arousal, hot damn), hold panels with swingers, see transsexual performers, etc.... but one instance of live penetration and SHIT GETS REAL.

The most disappointing thing about the situation is President Shapiro's statement accusing Bailey of  "poor judgment" and essentially suggesting that the demonstration shouldn't have occurred in the first place. But the demonstration was received positively by all of the students who attended the lecture, and for the rest of us, it's more of comical matter than anything else. adsfijawe don't cater to bad press, man.

"The Daily Northwestern quoted [Professor] Bailey as saying,“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but watching naked people on stage doing pleasurable things will never hurt you.

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read this if you enjoy uninteresting internal struggle related to academia [Feb. 28th, 2011|12:29 am]
[Current Music |Phantogram - You Are The Ocean | Powered by Last.fm]

This year is flying by already. I turned twenty last month... and this sudden loss of teenhood puts this huge, inexplicable weight on my shoulders, like I should immediately have some figment of responsibility, wisdom, or direction. When I went abroad, I permanently sealed away any chance of me returning to science....and I'm STILL struggling over it. To be honest, I don't care about art history. It's irrelevant to me to impart deep, postmodern analyses of all art that is produced today. I would rather spend my time creating things. TALKING about works that I am completely detached from just seems like such bullshit most of the time.
(Meh, I'm probably just bitter because I'm in a horrifically boring seminar on Art in the African Diaspora, and I want to die a little bit during every class. The class is comprised of 7 females -- 2 intense grad students, 4 honors-thesis-writing seniors, and then me....AND there is this god awful trend that is going through the class, where they like to wear school t-shirts under v-necks....and it's distracting as fuck. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. BUT ANYWAY.)

I made the jump from chem to art history because I was too scared to dive full-on into AT&P (studio). So, I settled with something more academic....But in retrospect, the best choice would have been to double in chemistry and studio art. I am so fucking stupid; god. And I did it partially for very hedonistic and stupid reasons. It's weird, and ridiculous, but I feel like I royally fucked up my future. I could suck it up and go back to chem, but I'm too proud, and there's no way in hell I'm incurring a lifetime of debt to learn about fucking molecules. Why don't I have awesome connections/resources? I could be Chet Hanks, man. He could do all the major-switching he wants, and he'll be able to stay at Northwestern.

In less than three weeks, I'll be in New York. Originally I had planned my trip hoping that I would be selected as a finalist for The Met's summer internship, so I could interview in person....but February is over tomorrow, and I haven't heard back from them. There are six spots, and the stipend is enough for me to live in Brooklyn. I made it to the semifinals... but nothing since then.

I need something to fall back on in Chicago, but prospects are looking dim so far. :\  fuckkkkkkkk, how am I gonna pay my rent this summer?

I told Steve he should just give handjobs on Wall Street-- according to a soc professor at Columbia, they run $275/job there; $225 in Soho/Chinatown. That's, what, a month's rent and sustenance in less than a day? What a lucrative industry!
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(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2011|10:48 pm]
[Current Music |The Mountain Goats - Game Shows Touch Our Lives | Powered by Last.fm]

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These are just a couple of my cravings. [Nov. 25th, 2010|08:15 am]
[Current Music |Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk | Powered by Last.fm]

HOKAY, need to throw all my shit in my backpack before I run to the airport, but FIRST THINGS FIRST. Facing a horrifically busy week when I get back, so I'm making a post with a few random images to make me feel better when I return.  I've been meaning to post some mixtapes I've thrown together (aka spent hours compiling) and making the epic favorite-photographs-of-all-time post, but this will do for now!

I'm going to devote entire post to the artist (especially since he's Northwestern faculty, and I've been dying to take his class) who creates these homeless shelters some time. In the mean time, this is here because it never fails to give me faith in humanity. If I could, I would transcribe the entire lecture of his that I attended - it was the most life-affirming talks I've ever heard.

a small and incoherent set of imagesCollapse ) Didn't even notice the PBR when I saved this.

finally have all my tickets figured out. Will be home in Utah for 6 days starting December 20th, after spending a night in the Stockholm airport, and an entire day at O'Hare. Then i'm on a red-eye flight to NYC to spend four days with Steve. a;sdlfijawe why is half of my life spent idling in airports? DAMN YOU BUDGET TRAVEL.

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You are tired. You are true of heart! [Nov. 24th, 2010|04:05 pm]
[Current Music |Broken Social Scene - Sentimental X's | Powered by Last.fm]

I keep beating myself up over the fact that I am persistently feeling unaccomplished, the past 11 months of my life being a roadblock. I want to work hard to get what I want, but I still haven't figured out what that is. Sometimes I feel like doing something crazy in hopes of, I dunno, "discovering myself." I can't remember the number of times I did the whole existential despair bullshit and seriously considered giving up my $200,000 lifetime-of-debt education over the past two years.
And I keep thinking about breaking up with him. It looms over my head, and it has for a long time. But he's so wonderful, it makes no sense, and every time I hear his voice I feel guilty and overwhelmed and in love, blahblahblah. I feel like I'm losing my mind all the time.

I found a set of photos that we took at the beach last fall.

..........Collapse )

Tomorrow I'm going to be back in Paris for three days. Happy Thanksgiving dudes.
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even too lazy to properly title this [Oct. 16th, 2010|06:19 pm]
[Current Music |Sonic Youth - Teen Age Riot | Powered by Last.fm]

So... I started this 1.5 hours ago, then spent the next HOUR AND-A-HALF obsessively picking all of the raisins, coconut pieces, and banana chips out of a bag of musli cereal. I looked up from the bag only 2 or 3 times during this span of time. Hope my host family doesn't wonder how their cereal turned into a bag of plain oats overnight. D; 
af;wiejaew HOW DO I RESOLVE THESE WEIRD FIXATIONS? (And why doesn't this concentration translate to studying for exams or writing papers?)

But anyway. Because I am being a mindblowingly unproductive human being....

here's a long-ass surveyCollapse )
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the center of my so-called being is the space between your bed and wardrobe. [Oct. 11th, 2010|03:39 pm]
[Current Music |Belle and Sebastian - My Wandering Days Are Over | Powered by Last.fm]

I neglect my Livejournal for several months, only to post when I have a busy ass week and am already sleep-deprived. I never make any sense to myself.

I can't begin to sum up my last few months, but I've been in Copenhagen for almost two months now. (Aaaand I've also nursed two colds since arriving. Scandinavia's cold as a bitch.)

Just got back from Germany a few days ago, where I successfully gained 5 lbs. Rate = 1 lb/day. I am a huge glutton. Wanna see my dessert (course 3) at the Reichstag?

Spun sugar, pear sorbet, white chocolate with almonds, chocolate mousse, lingonberries (or some sort of berry that sounds like lingonberry..)

There are an obscene amount of issues and anxieties I have to iron out back in Chicago, and it looms over me nearly every day. It plagues me to think that I could have matriculated (with a scholarship) at NYU and didn't. Transferring makes sense to me in so many ways, and I can't tell if I'm staying at Northwestern out of pride or laziness.

;awiew god, I hate talking about personal things, but the prospect of moving into Steve's old apartment in Chicago arose briefly (though it is no longer an issue, as we are staying in our original apartment), and Heather wouldn't let me have his old room. It's bigger in space, with a mirrored closet and a nice row of windows, so I can understand why she wants it, but it kills me that she disregards how much that room means to me. Space-wise, it makes more sense too, because I have the biggest bed (which takes up half of my current room). But the worst part was feeling like that's the room where I loved Steve for so long, where we hung out every evening, played scrabble and video games and watched movies, drank wine in bed, got sick, got better, shook the floors, woke up every morning and looked out of those windows. It means so much to me, and she wanted it simply for comfort. I must've argued my case with her for an hour, but she held her ground. It sucks to always feel like the person who has to settle because I'm not assertive enough, or I want to please others. I miss the buoyancy of all my old relationships/friendships. I still feel it at home in Utah. a;jaw;as;difjawe ANYWAY.

I'm swamped this week and maybe the next too, but on October 30th I'm flying to London for a night, then Spain for 6, then Paris for 2, then Italy for 5. The only place I have actually transportation and living arrangements made is in Italy....oops. If my couchsurf requests don't pan out anytime soon, I'm going to be working my ass off all of next year to make up the hostel costs.

STEVE IGNORANT WILL BE IN COPENHAGEN ON OCTOBER 22ND TO PLAY CRASS. CRASS. 1977-82. REMASTERED. This is the shit that people have waited 20 years for. AND I HAVE TICKETS.
 This is one event I never could have imagined or foreseen; it's almost unreal. 14-year-old me has died happy.

Depressing sidenote: Okkervil River somehow managed to knock Crass out of my top 8 on Last.fm. THIS CANNOT BE RIGHT. @_@

P.S. Vote for meeeee: http://www.yourarthere.com/entry/empire-city/
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two weeks. [Aug. 12th, 2010|02:00 am]
[Current Music |The Mountain Goats - Oceanographer's Choice | Powered by Last.fm]

Today I realized that I have been on 14 flights (including connections) in the past year. guhhhh. Flying used to excite me so much, but it's become such a chore. I'm irritable and emotionally on-edge half the time I fly; I hate the immobility, lack of leg room, and the disconnect. I don't know how I'm going to survive the trip to Copenhagen. (...Lots of reading, and lots of Harvest Moon?)

The past two weeks have been such a flutter that everything is in disarray in my head.

I am delayed, irritable, and stuck in Minneapolis for several hours before I finally make it to Chicago. It's late and dark when I arrive, but he's there, and the ride home is a dream.
Chicago is Lake Michigan, sand, sun, bud. I want it to be permanently summer, or at least to re-create the week we spent on Davis Street last year, but there's no time. 

Getting to West Lafayette GPS-less, map-less, and with shoddy directions knocks a year or two off my life, but we manage to get there in one piece, getting lost only twice. A pipe is pulled out somewhere along the way, and I am suddenly the only un-stoned person in the vehicle. I think this is one of the few times when my body's inhuman tolerance of grass comes in handy. I will never get contact high (and will consequently deliver folks safely to Indiana). The first time we're lost though, we end up in the hood, south side of Chicago. Bulk fried chicken joints, and kids panhandling between stopped cars at intersections. (Incidentally, we will end up in the hood of every major city we venture into from this point on.) The second wrong turn brings us right outside of Gary, IN.... which is the last place anyone ever wants to be. My bad.

Company changes in Indiana. Now 5 guys and myself, we drive all night to arrive in DC early the next morning. I have nothing to say about this stretch of time, except that one dude looped B.o.B. - Airplanes for several hours straight, and another jabbered excitedly the entire night.....even when he thought we were all asleep. (I was not.) I spent half of the night trying to determine whether he was just incredibly upbeat and talkative, or completely wired on coke.

The highlight of Baltimore is nothing in the city itself, but the orange glow of the streetlight illuminating the floor where we decide that, despite several days of staying up all night, sleep is not our priority.

NYC Part I is when Steve and I plan dinner in SoHo, but end up in the hood of Brooklyn, where I lose my favorite jacket.

Connecticut is a nice jumble of cooking, games, laying on the beach, meeting Steve's family and friends, and time to ourselves. I could get used to this.

And NYC Part II consists of a personalized tour of MoMA from a connection on the staff, followed by a few hours at his place, then a Guggenheim round. Dinner in Chinatown, rice pudding in Greenwich Village, a walk around NYU (why didn't I matriculate there again??!), crashing on a couch in Brooklyn. If given the opportunity, I could have spent the entire day at MoMA alone.

I'm home, nursing insomnia again. Nights here are so unbearably lonely. I leave for Denmark in ten days.

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